Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
