Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
