I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
