My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
