woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
