you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
