I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
