I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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