I forgot how hot balto sounded
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize