I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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