Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
