That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
