I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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