He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We got so high we made milksteak
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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