nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
