Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
