Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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