Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
