Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
