yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
