We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
