All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
