well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
