Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
pray to the hookup gods
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
