We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
