He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize