i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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