Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
