the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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