Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
