Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
