you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
