I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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