he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
