You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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