i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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