I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
