fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize