Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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