Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you didnt know i had herpes?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
