What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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