16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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