guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize