Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
