Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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