Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
