Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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