A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
