I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
ok first of all what the fuck
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
