And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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