So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
