she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
