It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
