where am i from again
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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