So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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