Quick, to the slutcave!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
