You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize