you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
