guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
