my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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