Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
