i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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