So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
