You smell like a Billy Joel song
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Randomize
