dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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