After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
