how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
