Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
