high people should be assigned attendants
operation have a gay friend backfired
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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