i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
a search helicopter?!
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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