Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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