Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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