you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
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