last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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