she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
